Pugs, Ice Cream, and Cookies! Oh My!

So I FINALLY finished unpacking my apartment...

Fri, 24 May 2013 22:05:56 -0700

I really hate being unemployed, because there is nothing to do all day. I really hope I get hired next week. Otherwise I’m going to go insane.

patrickat: nihilisticc: So my parents just found out about my...

Fri, 24 May 2013 11:55:10 -0700

patrickat:

nihilisticc:

So my parents just found out about my fourteen year old brother smoking weed because they found this on his window ledge. So in the middle of a huge lecture my dad decides to open the Baggie and smell it to see how strong it is. He immediately starts crying with laughter. THIS NIGGA HAS BEEN BUYING AND SMOKING FUCKING OREGANO. FUCKIN ITALIAN HERBS. SON. I CAN’T. I CANNOT. I CAN’T DO THIS.

This isn’t funny. That’s the gateway drug to a full blown marinara addiction. It’s good this was caught before this kid started hanging out at Olive Garden and sucking on every breadstick he can find to score another hit.

Photo

Thu, 23 May 2013 14:59:39 -0700

icicleman: thatpunnyguy: what does Batman like to put in his drinks?JUST ICE GET OUT

Thu, 23 May 2013 10:54:02 -0700

icicleman:

thatpunnyguy:

what does Batman like to put in his drinks?

JUST ICE

GET OUT

riddlemetom: Apparently in the wizarding world dying is not the...

Thu, 23 May 2013 10:51:52 -0700

riddlemetom:

Apparently in the wizarding world dying is not the worst thing you can do

pizza: lovee

Thu, 23 May 2013 10:50:55 -0700

pizza:

lovee

thefrogman: Drawn by Mike Jacobsen [website | twitter | store]

Thu, 23 May 2013 10:45:37 -0700

thefrogman:

Drawn by Mike Jacobsen [website | twitter | store]

Photo

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:28:13 -0700

vegansanfrancishet: So, I paint my nails pretty regularly these...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:03:26 -0700

vegansanfrancishet:

So, I paint my nails pretty regularly these days. I also work as a barista/cashier pretty regularly these days. A few weeks back, I had a customer come in, a fairly typical, sheltered, suburban soccer mom, and she ordered a latte from me. She saw my brightly colored nails and said, “Wow, you’re so brave! My son asked me about painting his nails, and if it’s okay for boys to do that. Now I’ll tell him there’s a cool guy who does it too!” It was a nice moment, very cute.

Then, last week, she came in again, and said, “Hey, I’m so glad you’re here! I want you to meet someone!” She then brings her son forward, and says, “Okay sweetie, show him what you did!” And he throws his hands up, showing off his bright, sparkling blue nails. He shows them off, and I show mine off to him. He smiles. We fist bump.

Guys, I’ve only wanted to cry once at work before, and that was when someone ordered a large dry soy cappuccino on ice.

This time, though. This was a good cry.

enthuxiasm: chickenmcnope: rnackenzie: i wanna make a giant pizza and live inside of it A Pizza...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:01:50 -0700

enthuxiasm:

chickenmcnope:

rnackenzie:

i wanna make a giant pizza and live inside of it

A Pizza Hut

GET THE FUCK OUT

hope-is-a-songbird: she now has an academy award.

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:01:49 -0700

hope-is-a-songbird:

she now has an academy award.

hobbitsandlocks: badwolfonbakerstreet: do-you-have-a-flag: the best thing about disney songs is...

Tue, 21 May 2013 08:49:50 -0700

hobbitsandlocks:

badwolfonbakerstreet:

do-you-have-a-flag:

the best thing about disney songs is singing every character’s part in them with your best impression of their voice

#I’M NEVER GONNA CATCH MY BREATH #saygoodbyetothosewhoknewme #boY was I a FOOL in SCHOOL forr cutting GYMMMMMM #thIS guy’s got ‘em scared to DEATH!#HOPE HEDOESN’T SEE RIGHT THROUGHME #now I really wish that I knew how to SWIMMMMM

BE UH MAN

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 08:55:08 -0700

Photo

Mon, 13 May 2013 16:38:15 -0700

Photo

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:21:57 -0700

ticvoria: ultimiavlad: egbertdork: paarfekt: stupidphresh: d...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 21:25:40 -0700

ticvoria:

ultimiavlad:

egbertdork:

paarfekt:

stupidphresh:

donafuckingtelli:

raging-raichel:

bonbuns:

lunaticbone:

impercussis:

amixedreality:

divinebrohoodofbuttz:

I can’t even pretend like I can listen to this without laughing.

OMYGOD

OH MY GOD I CHOKED

…

whAT IS THIS IM CRYAING

This is the theme song to my life.

A for effort

i know i just reblogged this, but i had to again….IT GENIUS

OMFG NOT AGAIN MY EVERYTHING HURTS

hi this is me reincarnated into song form

THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.

Every time, I think this won’t get me. And it does.

ladyofdisney: roachpatrol: avatarjk137: nooby-banana: thesani...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:08:56 -0700

ladyofdisney:

roachpatrol:

avatarjk137:

nooby-banana:

thesanityclause:

rinnysega:

vashappeninstyles:

the19thhistory:

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

I remember my first eagle ceremony when I turned nine. The first eagle you get is always declawed, which I always thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a good way to ease into caring for the birds. My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasn’t a terribly clever child) was already quite old when I received him (he was a rescue eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I was 16. I don’t know if I was more excited about getting my drivers license that year, or my new eagle! You should have seen the party we had when I got him, too! Grilled hot dogs and fire works and lemonade…. obviously I named my beautiful new eagle Freedom. He’s too big to keep inside anymore, unfortunately, but we’ve got a pretty comfortable roost for him on our apartment’s balcony.

Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I remember his quite well. (They had just come out with telepathic link transplants when I got him, which is how I know he remembers it.) Our celebration was quite modest, compared to Freedom’s—apple pie under a cloudless summer sky as we signed our Declaration of Interdependence. I still have the inked and talon-pierced document hanging on my wall.

what is this

Get out Canada

I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my sisters’ eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get home from class since schools are getting so over protective and strict these days and won’t allow eagles indoors. Which just goes to show how much we’re bubble wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn’t handle a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid’s eagle, you had to just man up and learn your lesson!

Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I couldn’t use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes weren’t the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was worried an eagle wouldn’t show up at all. I had to stand in the middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was apologizing for being late. And we’ve been together ever since.

Some people think it’s excessive to have two eagles. But what can I say, I’m a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, “You must be a terrorist to call me out over my excesses,” but I digress. We don’t have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my flag atop a decommissioned WWII aircraft carrier. I was kicking a couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later and got young Colbert here. It’s hard work, raising two eagles, but I have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light.

Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so I was totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn’t just going to net me my eagle and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and the problem here — it’s not usually a problem because I make sure to shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays — was that I am, actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn’t just one eagle that showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri, all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp America’s natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my ulna. Completely missed my little brother’s eagle ceremony, which I will always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me an eagle in my heart.

I remember my first eagle ceremony like it was yesterday, There was a huge storm that day and my parents tried to make me wait a few days until the storm subsided. But I was not waiting to get my eagle. So I stood out in the field closest to my house. Thunder rumbling, lightening cracking, and hurricane force winds, but I stood my ground. I was getting me eagle that day if it killed me. I raised the giant american flag as high in the air I could and began waving. The flag was hard to hold with all of the wind, and water the flag was soaking up. It was getting harder to hold by the minute and the storm was getting worse and worse. I was beginning to loose hope that my eagle would ever come. Then as the lightening flashed and the thunder boomed its loudest and its brightest, I saw Bravery flying towards me. So strong, young, and majestic. We both braved the storm to find each other and to this day we are best friends.

hannahsneakers: why don’t they have big hyped up award shows for books i mean best male/female...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 18:57:04 -0700

hannahsneakers:

why don’t they have big hyped up award shows for books

i mean

best male/female character

best antagonist

best plot development

best plot twist

come on

expectationsofbrokenglass: tomhiddlesun: glasses-of-doom: the-silence: my doctor asked me...

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:00:08 -0700

expectationsofbrokenglass:

tomhiddlesun:

glasses-of-doom:

the-silence:

my doctor asked me earlier if I was pregnant obviously I said no, then he turned around and said ‘well how do you know without a test?’

I was like I know because no one has stuck their penis in my vagina.

but what if

im so fucking done with you people

i can’t stop laughing

Photo

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 12:03:46 -0700